My Final League

October 23rd 2006

Sitting at the my uni's bus-stop and waiting for my friend. I stare into thin air and watch busses drive by, busses that come and go. Today is the last day of attending one of my favourite lectures - PSYC 3082, Counseling Psychology. Tomorrow will be my final tutorials and lectures in uni for all my subjects. This feeling is indescribable. This feeling is synonymous to the feeling of my-last-moment-on-earth.

As I sat down in class for my last lecture (and like many others who wonder what they have done or have-not-but-should-have-done in life only when they realised that they have only that one last breath for that moment), I wondered too. I wondered the stuff that I did and I didnt do, the stuff that I was happy doing and regretted not doing. This was it. I am graduating. I am leaving school, my favourite place eversince I was four, to the unknown world. I was neither bright nor stupid. I was a mediocre. But I loved school. School was a safe place for me, a place I feel that I am competent, a place where people could see the other side of me, a place where I find confidence and motivation that are different from that I find at home. School was a big part of my life.

I recalled the first time when I attended lectures at UQ. I was intimidated with the numbers of unfamiliar faces but felt excited at the same time. I liked the openess of voicing out opinions, sharing thoughts and asking questions in class but was too afraid to speak in class. Except in small tutorial groups, where I felt more comfortable to speak. I used to be one of those people who bother to ask questions and share my thoughts in class during my college years. Somehow I lost it when I came here. Maybe class sizes were huge in comparison to those in college affected the change. Maybe I was intimidated by the smart looking aussies. Whatever it was, those were probably excuses for me to justify my contentedness.

So I thought I'll make a point this semester to make a change. That change was not just to speak in tutorials but also in lectures. It was either now or never. And I did. I challenged myself to step out of my comfort zone. It wasn't as easy as I thought but it got easier as time passed. I loved the change even if it was meant to be small. The only thing that I regretted not doing was not making this change earlier. Now that I did, it was only this semester left.

So much thoughts crossed my mind during lecture. I felt overwhelmed with the fact that it was the last. Really? it was?

My friend is here finally. I breahte. It's my final league that I have yet to complete. There is still time. Tomorrows are still waiting.