The other side of me
I haven't been writing properly lately. Expressing myself and how I feel have become more difficult each day. I'm at this point if life where, I'm too lazy to think and too complacent to do anything meaningful, or to do anything at all. I'm at this point where, I don't know where I stand, I don't know about tomorrow, I don't do anything about it. Worst of all, I don't know when that I decided to disengaged.
That is the other side of me.
The more I feel this way, the more I hate the life I'm living. I swear I never want to be like him. But as the days pass, I feel like I'm slowly becoming like him. Too afraid to face challenges. Too bias and judgemental towards other people. Too complacent to dream and to live life. Truth is, I'm an inch close becoming like him.
The fire in me is diminishing. The excitement I used to feel is not the same anymore. I don't look forward to things as how I would before.
I'm afraid to be a mirror image of him.
Just give me some time. I don't know for how long it will take. But I do know that I will come back.
posted by Steph at 12:35 AM
7 Comments:
*gives a big bear hug* Hope you'll come back... ;)
I'm not sure who you're referring to...but I can say with considerable certainty you will not be like 'him', because you're aware. As long as you're aware you're in control to change.
Awareness lets you see the problem, as you learn more about the problem you realise a solution. But the will to act, is what makes all the difference...
Anyway, I hope you feel better.
*gives big e-hug*
Just dropping to say 'HI'!!
Life is full of changes. Some for better and of course some for worse. When you encounter bad changes and feel that you cannot do anything about it at the moment, do not despair because something good is along the way.
It may come sooner than you think, so do not be beaten and give up.
Stay hopeful and face each day with a brave BIG smile because that is the Steph I know.
Besides, regardless of the changes, you are still the lovely Steph well- loved and cherish by all your true friends who knew the real you..
Miss you girl.
Take care.
*muaccks*
i have to agree with Philip for you have come to a boundary of knowing 'him' from you. i quote one of my professors when he says that "life is full of choices". You do have a choice about where you want to be. And, considering the fact that you are disturbed about what being 'him' is like, i reckon that you are well on the way of becoming 'you'.
I am glad for the impasse that you are experiencing, for they tell you that realization and change are eminent. Even caterpillars go into a cocoon before emerging into a beautiful butterfly (yes, i am still afraid of butterflies, but they certainly are beautiful)
I am confident that the from the core of you will emerge a beautiful person.
i guess it couldn't have been put in any better words. phillip and raam hv hit it right at its core. the choice is ultimately yours. all of us have fears within us, we all hv weaknesses and bad habits...the question is not whether we end up that way- rather, the question is whether u will let that weakness work for you or whether u will succumb to i..
steph, u're stronger than u know it n seeing what u see may instill fear but accept it and embrace it and work the will to change it ..because what cannot break you can only make you.
Hey, dont sound so jaded. i think sometimes momentum breaks down and you just need some fuel to revive that spirit. find that ever enthusiatic hwei ching in you again!!!
"HAVE YOU GOT THAT SPIRIT??"
and what do you say?
choo, philip, chris, astrorat, dan, puisan,
You guys have no idea how these words are so inspiring.
you've lifted my spirit.
I really really appreciate your thoughts and just being there. Thank you so much.
*hugs*
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